New Year's Resolutions and Boundaries

Starting the New Year off, a lot of us have big ideas for our New Year’s resolutions. For some of us it’s a commitment to ourselves to work out, eat better, drink more water, or to get better sleep. For others it can be to improve their relationships with their friends and family. Some of us commit to spending more time with our loved ones in the New Year and intentionally plan more dates to make that happen. I took the time to reflect on the people in my life and the time that I was spending with them in 2024.

I thought about my partner, my siblings, my Mom, my fur babies… and then I thought of the people I had decided to not spend as much time with in the last year and what those boundaries I had created for myself had done for me. It gave me more time to spend with the people who make me feel good. It gave me freedom to be completely myself, and not have to hide behind a mask. I no longer had to walk on eggshells in order to be around certain people. But with those boundaries I set, came grief. I had to process that hurt and empty space, and really think about this new pain. Was it worth it to feel a little bit of loss for a while, instead of feeling a whole lot of pain every time they came around and sometimes after I had spent time with them? For me, it was a big, old “Hell, yes!”

Boundaries are difficult. We sometimes allow people to stay in our lives because of how long it’s been that way, justifying the history we have. Sometimes, we tolerate being mistreated because “everyone else in the family/friend circle tolerates it, so I guess I will too.” If this sounds like you, you aren’t alone. Drawing a boundary with someone is hard work. It is a decision we make when things need to change. For some of us, after the holiday season, and being “made” to spend time with family, it can stir up emotions that make us question how we are spending our valuable, limited time.

When I really think about what is most important to me over the years, I always come back to the quality of the relationships I have with the people closest to me. I know when I’m lying on my deathbed one day, I won’t be thinking about how much money I made or how pretty my living room decor was. I will think about the relationships I had with the people I spent the most time with. To me, it matters and it matters the most.

A few years ago, I decided to end the relationship I had with my father. It has been a hard, emotional, and confusing road, and I have regretted nothing. I am happier, I’m more myself, and I’m able to show up more for others. Since then, it has been that much easier to free up space with the people who no longer make me feel good about myself when I’m in their presence. It’s allowed me to see how much I appreciate the healthy relationships I have, and spend more quality time with those who respect and love me for who I am. I’m able to be more vulnerable and live a more authentic life. This boundary-making, and the accountability to upholding them, has made my current relationships stronger. I’m able to ask for what I need and listen to what others need. I’m more in tune with myself and with others. This way of living and thinking has created stronger and healthier relationships with everyone around me in my personal life, as well as with my Enlightened Beauty team and the guests we get to serve each day.

I think by valuing ourselves and our wellbeing first, we are able to value others the same way. And if the respect and kindness isn’t mutual, it makes it easier to walk away, or be able to limit our interactions with certain people, so we’re able to take better care of ourselves. I believe that open and honest conversations create healthy boundaries, and that healthy boundaries create strong and healthy relationships. I also think by having hard and vulnerable conversations, we are able to come to realize that boundaries are sometimes needed to create and lead a fulfilling life filled with mutual respect and love. I am by no means perfect, and I’m practicing setting and maintaining boundaries all the time. I can tell you I have grown from it and have created a more loving and fulfilling relationship with myself in the process. Here’s to loving ourselves first, and practicing healthy boundaries for stronger relationships in 2025! I’m here for it!